Caregiving

These past few months have been quite an eye-opening experience for me. Before my dad moved to River Glen Rehabilitation in Southbury, I had already started noticing signs of his memory slipping. While he was there, I saw his condition worsen, and although I had witnessed other families go through similar challenges with loved ones in rehab, it was still hard to watch my own dad go through it. I had hoped that once he was back in his familiar apartment, things would improve. Unfortunately, his confusion seemed to increase each day.

As time passed, I began to see signs that he wasn’t able to manage his daily routines on his own—he wasn’t taking his medications, struggled with hygiene, and sometimes forgot to change into clean clothes. That’s when I knew I had to step in and find a way to care for him. The weight of becoming a caregiver was much heavier than I ever expected. Although I had always heard about the challenges caregivers face through thank you notes and kind words at the adult day center, I didn’t fully understand the emotional and physical toll it takes until I was in this role myself.

I found myself overwhelmed with questions like, “Where do I even begin?” and “How can I do this when there are so many financial concerns?” The panic began to set in, but instead ofletting it control me, I asked myself, “What would I tell someone else in my position?” And that’s when I decided to start taking action.

Here’s what I did, and I hope my experience can offer some guidance to anyone else who might be in a similar situation. First, I sat down with my dad and gently explained that he needed my help due to his increasing forgetfulness and my concern for his safety. I made sure toemphasize that my goal was not to take away his independence, but to support him so he could continue living the way he wanted. It’s important to approach this conversation with care, so they don’t feel like they’re losing control or being taken advantage of.

If you’re caring for a parent like I am, one helpful step might be to set up a joint checking account. This way, you can handle the bills and finances together. Next, I applied to the Medicaid Waiver Program through CT Community Care Inc. (CCCI), which helps provide care at home. Since the process can take some time, I also applied for a short-term program through the Western CT Area Agency on Aging (WCAAA) while we waited for the permanent program to kick in.

While all of that was in progress, I scheduled an appointment with a lawyer to become my dad’s power of attorney (POA) and Medical Derivative. This allows me to manage his finances and make medical decisions if he is ever unable to. Because of the rules around CCCI, we also needed to go through a “spend down” process to ensure his finances were in order for the program.

It was a lot to handle—endless paperwork, doctor visits, taking him to specialists, and juggling day-to-day tasks like grocery shopping and laundry. But I also knew that taking him to the day center gave me peace of mind, knowing he would receive good meals and take his noon medication. The constant cycle of caregiving was exhausting, and it made me realize just how demanding it can be. I have so much respect for all the caregivers—husbands, wives, children, and friends—who give so much of themselves for the ones they love.

If you’re a caregiver or know someone who is, I hope this message can offer some comfort or direction. It’s a tough job, but you’re not alone. Please remember that there are resources available to help you navigate this journey, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support. At our day center, we are here to provide a much-needed break and to support those who are selflessly caring for their loved ones.

Take care of yourself as you care for others. You deserve it.